But you're just trouble

Sigh

Just one of those crappy days

:’(

Friends require work

And yet it’s work that I’ve so frequently put aside.

Maybe it’s because I have some sort of a romanticized vision of being the loner, that I don’t need to rely on anyone.

Not necessarily unfriendly… but disconnected. Like a slimy fish (haha) I might be nice to look at but try catching me with just your hands. Always kind of out of reach… yes, maybe I tell myself these things to reassure myself.

I used to drink a lot, just because it gave me the confidence to be around people… but in fact it made me over-confident, and people would comment on how different I am… “I like this Geri”… I’ve heard it a lot, and yes maybe that is a good thing but I always felt like a fake, I’d feel embarrassed of myself and I grew to hate it. 

So I stopped drinking so much, I’d already stopped smoking weed and I stopped self harming. 

It sounds kind of stupid but I stopped hurting myself because of a boy, not that it was that easy but he was my reason. I think when you find someone that loves you and realizing that every time you hurt yourself it just hurts them… I loved him a lot and with his support I stopped, it’s been a long time now and I’ll always appreciate the strength he gave me at that point in my life.

But anyway, I got a little sidetracked… I got to the point in my life where I felt like I needed to stop everything, to just let myself be, to let myself be whatever I am, without any substances or self inflicted problems.

And it’s become so comfortable for me, my depression, my isolation, it feels strangely natural and part of me worries that without it I would be, someone else… 

I’ve never really taken to meds very well but I worry that if I lose my depression that I’ll lose a part of myself, who I am. And it sounds dumb and it’s almost kind of an embarrassing thing to admit, but I’ve lived with them for so long that I feel like my mental illnesses are almost an integral part of my personality.

I still struggle with my identity and I think I always will but I know that I feel like I’m being more true to myself this way. 

But I don’t want it to be that way. I need to change how I think about these things… I don’t want to lose my friends… the ones I have left, the ones that haven’t given up on me… just because I can’t be bothered trying

I realize that pulling myself from my comfortable pit is not ever going to be the easiest thing but I’m not incapable of doing it. I just need some sort of motivation… 

It’s always a bit strange seeing people from tumblr in real life.

Just because, we’ve both got mutual followers and people we’re following and if I’m aware of them then they’ve probably at least seen my blog too

But they don’t say anything… and I don’t say anything.

And then I wonder if they’re judging me… okay not that much, but it’s still strange for me.

Wisdom teeth coming through = an urge to chew on things

No dick jokes

I’ve got a whole bag of chewy sweets, they make me feel better

Ouchy though.

Me and my sister, and my niece just went to get ice-cream.

After we’d bought it my sister drove down to the harbour so we could eat it.

She parked and then we eated ice-cream and watched this couple doin’ it in the car across from us.

It was lulz.

Still sick

Looking after children is stressful.

Looking after children is very stressful when sick.

Sigh

I want a cuddle

I want a cuddle from a man

A man who smells nice

And he’d stroke my hair and whisper in my ear…

~You’re a turd… but you’re my favourite turd… 5ever~

Awww how sweet <3

My mind is messy… and fluffy

I’m trying to write, but it’s not working.

It’s like candy floss… except less sweet.

Okay just like cotton wool…

Maybe like biting into cotton wool.

My mind is like biting into cotton wool.

I honestly wonder what is wrong with people.

You agree to help someone while they’re stuck and they just take advantage and just the piss in general. 

It feels like there’s no point in ever being nice to anyone.

You do something nice and just end up being the bad guy, awesome.　

I sound dumb as fuck, I shouldn’t have a blog.

Reading some of the things I say has made me come to the realization that I can sound a bit like Amy Childs. Maybe not the fake tan and vajazzling but just, the overall… Amy-ness…

See below if you don’t know who Amy is or just want to lol at/with her.

If this girl is the first person who came to mind as I was reading some of my “wisdom”… then it’s no wonder people think I’m dumb as shit haha!

“Omg the person that’s obviously done the dictionary… who is it?”

And the funny thing is, these are the top comments

I also feel like this describes me so well… I’m not a stupid person… I just refuse to take anything seriously and say a lot of stupid shit.

Oh dear, someone save me from myself.

I feel like I should change my icon now that I’m not ginger anymore…

I might not use it but does anyone want to try and make me one?